There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
