You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
