PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
