Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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