Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
