WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
