This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
