Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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