sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
