I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
