i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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