great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize