i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
