My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The air was thick with penises
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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