if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
