I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
