Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize