i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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