New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
