mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My hand turned me down
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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