Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
