in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
