Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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