Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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