FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
