What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
