Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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