my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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