We named our party play list daddy issues
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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