Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
