So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The uberlube is also flammable
Randomize
