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there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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