Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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