may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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