it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
