So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
