that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want to be your penis for a week.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
