I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
