I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
