he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Will exercising make me less horny?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
