i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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