If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize