i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Are we still banned from the library?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
