Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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