as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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