Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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