This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
