I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
