Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize