So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
