worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
