My nipple is on Facebook.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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