actually, I'm a sock model
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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