Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just gargled with NyQuil
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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