I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
