I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
