he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
