I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My dick has a subreddit
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Let's get the cat blown out
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
