so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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