I'm going to jail i love you
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
