do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
