Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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