I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
