Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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