I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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