That's intense
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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