my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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