So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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