My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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