After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
